I’m a sucker for a good redemption arc. Even growing up, tiny me adored characters that started out as rivals or villains and came around with a slow burn that reeled you in over the course of a series or movie. If I’ve already lost you by tapping into my nostalgia for stories beloved by children during my 90’s and early-2000s childhood, you’ll have to trust me that between the ages of 5 and 12, no character could win me over like a villain-turned-hero.
It’s no wonder that I ended up working in behavior modification and rehabilitation for dogs.
I love meeting a dog that struggles with severe behavioral issues – the dogs that most other trainers won’t touch – and helping them turn around into a dog who is safe, secure, and ready to experience all the world has to offer. And I love changing the lives of their owners and watching them, too, unlock all the world has to offer with their dogs.
But there’s a particular habit in dog owners that I witness on a regular basis, not just from clients but from friends and strangers alike. This habit, which creates a massive block to the dog training process, ensures that dogs do not achieve their best life through training.
This habit is hyper-fixating on the dog’s history.
Your Dog’s Supervillain Origin Story
“My dog was attacked by four other dogs before I got them.”
“My dog came from a hoarding situation or a puppy mill.”
“My dog was abused at their last home.”
And I can’t tell you how many “bait dogs” I’ve met. Some of these claims might be verified by the shelter or rescue organization or the dog’s last owner, but sometimes they really are simply guesses entirely.
Now, by no means do I intend this article to serve as some form of invalidation to the very real existence of animal abuse. It’s true that many dogs come from awful situations that I wouldn’t wish on any animal.
But the truth is, even if a dog did in fact come from an awful place before, dogs that have found a good home with their new adopters are simply not in that situation anymore. And dogs that are labeled by their history are being kept from growing and changing by these limiting beliefs we put on them as dog owners.
Many dog owners are ready to give up entirely because their dog has seen a couple trainers who weren’t fully equipped to handle behavior modification or rehabilitation. And many dog owners also resist a lot of dog training methods and necessary scenarios that could truly help their dog for fear of putting their dog in any sort of stress or uncomfortable situations.
We latch on to their origin story, the how-they-got-here, and through our actions we decide with utter resolve that their story must end there.
It’s just human nature.
The things is, people do this out of kindness, or at least what feels like kindness in the moment. People that take in dogs through a rescue or shelter often do so because they see no reason that so many pets should die without a home. And, hey, I’m one of those people myself. I think it’s an incredible thing to do for animals and for your community.
(You can read more about how so many dogs end up in shelters in my article, The Real Dangers of Backyard Breeding.)
But the thing is, this only feels like kindness. In reality, the danger that holding on to your dog’s history brings is that it makes people tip-toe around the dog in terms of boundaries and accountability.
We let them roam rule-free in the house, allow them free reign over our personal space, let them on our furniture with or without invitation, and provide attention and affection at their beck and call regardless of their behavior. We let them do as they please while out on a walk, tolerate inappropriate and often dangerous behavior, and in general provide little structure to their lives.
And we do this for very human reasons. We have taken this animal into our homes and committed to loving them. We don’t want them to feel pain, unhappiness, or any sort of stress or emotional discomfort; to us, they’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime already.
As a result, we just don’t ask much of them.
But if you’ve been with us for any amount of time, you know how low standards and a lack of communication and consequence can create very significant behavioral issues. By becoming over-accommodating towards our dogs, we end up reinforcing these behavioral issues and making them worse the longer they persist.
Trust me, I’ve been there myself.
How We Keep Redemption Away
Many dogs are held back by their past experiences, but not the way you initially think. Dogs are held back not by the supervillain origin story itself, but by our determination to hold on to it.
For many people, it’s difficult to move past the horrible story they were told by the shelter staff or the imagined scenes that play in their minds of how their dog could have been so traumatized. Many owners are reluctant to allow the past stay in the past.
They provide love, affection and softness to their dog, and while it’s certain that most dogs will thoroughly enjoy this kind and gentle affection, the fact remains that you can not love unwanted behaviors away.
It’s true that your dog will appreciate your love and affection, but that love does not give your dog a sense of security or fulfillment in most areas of their life. They may enjoy your company and your couch cuddles while they’re safe at home, but they simply will not trust you to be a guide, a leader, and a protector of their space and wellbeing when it comes to the big world and all the scary things in it.
You will be a friend, and only that.
I assure you that your dog wants to have utter trust in you. Trust that you have control of their environment, and trust that you will keep them safe in this new grand life they have.
This is what we mean at Lugaru K9 Training when we talk about advocating for your dog. Hold them to a higher standard with clear communication, matter-of-fact consequence, and always be consistent. Show them how to live in your world so that they have access to as much living as possible.
But as their protector, it’s on the dog owner to manage their environment and keep the “monsters” away. By asking them to no longer take it upon themselves to manage their security, we have to step up and do that job ourselves.
Meet your dog where they are.
If you’re someone who has experienced any sort of trauma (and I think that means all of us, in one way or another) then you know how harmful it can be to linger on those harmful memories. So many of us (myself included, once upon a time) spend so much of our present day reliving traumatic events in our mind. Trauma is very real and can be incredibly difficult to work through, especially alone.
When we emanate this pity for our dogs, we are doing the equivalent of mentioning that trauma to them in all moments of their daily life. All the chances they have to move forward, to learn new things and begin to accept a new life, are hampered by us telling them: “but what about what you went through?”
This is true even if the trauma is imagined.
If you treat your dog like they are broken, they will remain broken. Our anxious worrying about their triggers and stressors only emphasizes their own stress about those triggers; our anxiety and babying only serves to validate their concern.
And so, with us responding only in softness, the dog now must take it upon themselves to protect themselves from the perceived monsters in the world. This is how you get dogs that run away, it’s how you get dogs that become reactive and even aggressive, and it’s how you exacerbate stress and anxiety. For these dogs, carrying the responsibility of protecting themselves and their environment, things only get worse and worse.
This is one of the reasons why it’s so common to see dogs who started out doing well in their new environments for a few weeks, and then develop pretty severe behavioral issues like aggression and reactivity on walks, separation anxiety, anxious crying and whining at various sights and sounds, and even infighting with other pets in the household.
When we choose to move on from our dogs’ trauma and commit to giving them the best life possible, we switch from telling them, “your trauma is who you are,” to “you’ve seen some shit, but the future is yours.”
You do this by treating them like the strong and complete dog they are, and by focusing not on where they’ve been, but where they are. By leading, training, and guiding them confidently, as if nothing ever happened. Setting boundaries and standards like you would with any other dog, and joining them in their journey to becoming a more fulfilled version of themselves.
It’s time to take a deep breath and release all of the stories wound up inside. Let them go, and look on your dog with new eyes. Meet them where they are, and guide them with confidence so that they can become the best dog they can be. We give our dogs the best by seeing not the dog they were, but the dog they can become.
Dogs stop acting like villains when we start treating them like heroes.
